everything in
it's right place

my internet's pretty screwed up - i have to enable internet explorer to accept all cookies otherwise i wouldn't be able to access blogger. and my hotmail! can't even log in. tried over the weekend and last week but to no avail, either.

spent the weekend at costa sands for my church cell group chalet/outing thing. some of it was fun, some i thought pretty boring, some very down and stupid moments and an overall general mix. i can still remember it: sarah asked me to teach her guitar, just like she wrote on her card two years ago but then she could smell the smoke and went absolutely pissed out. but it was my fault; i never had the guts to tell her. i was too afraid, too arrogant to think about it that way. to think that she was really angry and disappointed, not that many people (in fact almost no one at all) would care enough to bother. and i feel like i've let down a good friend, so much like i've just destroyed a part of myself.

it's always been my nature but i really treasure good quality company, and hurting any single one of them hurts me just as much or maybe even more. that event at the chalet pretty much screwed up the rest of my already screwed weekend, but i feel that it's God in action, sorting out things that need straightening. so instead of fretting over distressing and troubled times, I'd just like to thank Him for watching over me, blessing me with such wonderful friends like her, no matter how far i really stray. amen

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i've sort of made a decision. max 3 sticks a day but if possible not at all. excludes clubbing. but the 3 is sort of like emergency stuff and no buying any packs at all. ok i'll see what happens one week from now. i'm dead serious! and don't say it's for him or her or this that. it's just for me.