everything in
it's right place

started off the day by playing acoustic for holy communion service today. it was really funny because wayne and i were so appaled at our standard of playing we actually declared today the worst worship ever. his bass was all over the place and i was plucking all the wrong chords and getting dead notes everywhere. you know how when you screw up you start to get nervous and screw up even more. even though i've played for worship so many times recently i still get a bit jittery especially when playing solos - electric guitar solos to be exact. they're always so damn loud and obvious and everyone, i mean everyone will start looking at you because guitar solos are supposed to be cool. but not as if i'm playing guitar for the little kids who are looking, anyway.

went for some flyer distribution thing which turned out to finish pretty fast. our church is having an arts and craft workshop and parenting seminar in june, as part of an outreach to the local community. altogether our group had to distrubute flyers to only 3 floors - steph saw, hian liang and alan ong got caught up by this really old ah mah who kept talking non stop about god knows what (i think she must've been really lonely). luckily karl and i escaped their fate and we managed to give the flyers to -two entire floors- and when we were on our way down steph was still talking to the ah mah! we kinda just flashed them a wave of the hand and ran away through the lift. there's this lady in our group too called joy (she was around for the youth camp) and somehow i keeeppp mistaking her name as evelyn. she doesn't really have the 'joy' look (i have prefixed faces to various names, michelle, elaine, whatever).

was soooo disappointed in orchard because my mom told me that they were having this great singapore sale (duh i think i'm the last person to realise) but not much of the guys stuff was on sale. and all of the ladies stuff was on sale. argh the is sexism at its worst. watched a jet li movie titled 'unleashed' after that, though. initially thought it was a chinese movie (it starts jet li) but turned out to be quite an interesting show. the ending sucked donkey balls though; really abrupt.

just got back from a 5plus km run which was really quite pathetic. around 23-25 minutes. i thought it felt quite fast at first then when i saw the time it wasn't that much faster than my brick set (running straight after cycling). but perhaps this is because i just did that yesterday.

i've been doing some thinking and with this saturday coming up i've realised that there's so much that i feel has changed with me and so much at the same time that hasn't changed too. somehow nowadays i prefer the peace and quietness of solitude, something that i was really on the other end of the spectrum with a while ago. i just can't stand people budging in when i don't want them to, or noises disrupting whatever i'm doing. call it being a control freak, but i don't think so.

a good part i really noticed is that i've been doing my qt a lot more often than secondary school days (zero), which i'm quite happy about heh. but perhaps is because i'm not really quite as content as i was then, and since we're just pathetic humans we have our faults and wants when we're down too. and there's also relationships too. i've quite given up completely on talking to nikki even though we can handle a decent conversation quite well; it just doesn't click you know? i've grown a lot closer to the sonny gang, because you finally realise after years apart and different situations we all face everyday that we can still sit down together at a table and be the same friends we always were. there's also sarah who always thinks that we're always on different wavelengths which is really quite true sometimes. but you can never have answers to everything.

the parts of me that haven't changed are harder to spot, i figure. one is probably that i'm just the stupid sensitive little boy i always was. it's amazing how such small little statements can affect me so greatly, but it's always better than to be sensitive than insensitive i guess. and there's stuff too which i can't really be bothered to think about.

i'm just moody. irritable silly jealous maybe grumpy unsatisfied. but who isn't nowadays, anyway.