everything in
it's right place

nowadays my duties are so boring that i've taken to - and it couldn't be worse - consuming coffee. bucket loads of it! i make a cup every hour i'm on duty. of course it's the instant kind of coffee, but i don't know if that's a good or bad thing. does instant coffee contain as much caffiene as the ground, machine-percolated brews? of course if it doesn't, it would kinda defeat the purpose of downing that many cups. but oh well, it keeps me awake.

she's only been gone for a few days but i miss her already. i don't think anyone would come surfing to this silly site when they're miles away, on holiday. i've... - let's face it - i've been wanting to tell her for ages, but i can never get around to saying it. probably also because of the fact that she already knows, or i think she already knows. that's what wayne said anyway. but i'm afraid she'd think the that reason i feel that way i do is that i'm really just a lonely army boy who needs the companionship, that i could be a little better off with a girl or two to chat up when i'm bored. that's what emily thinks of her ex. so common sense tells me to just put off this telling business till another day, after all, i am going to australia in less than two months time.

once, i used to think that if i ever liked a girl, it would be someone exactly like her. but of course what would be the point of that, then?

i'd see how i feel about it when i come back during the winter break. and then i'd really know if i'm just another lonely army boy. but oh wait, i already know the answer to that. more like i want her to know.

valentines day, can you believe that? i'll be spending my valentines day, a day where people usually get together for dates and whatnot, or at least chill at the neighbourhood pub with their also-lonely pals for a pint or two. but no, i'll be sitting next to my ma and pa on an eight hour journey to a far away land that i don't really want to go to. life goes on, i guess.

sometimes i think that i spend too much time thinking and no time doing, if you know what i mean. sometimes i tend to think that i'm doing too much but i'm not really. other times i AM really doing too much. but what is too much anyway? ha ha, i think i'd just wait and see if she says anything. i really hope she does - anything at all - because i can never get myself to pick up the intiative. i don't want to know what she thinks. just the fact that she actually thinks something of it already scares me out of my wits.

i've been listening to lots of jack johnson recently, because acoustic guitar music is just wicked stuff. but all the lyrics tend to be either depressingly sad, or about happy love things that'd make me depressingly sad. i think this a trend among pop music? because love is such a pop subject anyway. the tunes are really catchy and entertaining, but it's weird to think that depressingly sad topics can actually perk you up. most of the time it just makes me feel like a train wreck.

a couple of days ago, i mentioned about how books were so wonderful, because they rip the words out of my mouth? that i can never find the right words? well i was reading nick hornby's 'high fidelity' at that time. and most of the time it seems that hornby's really talking about me instead. i actually noted down some paragraphs, so that instead of actually thinking of something to blog, i'd just copy all those noted words down and it'd be exactly what i wanted to say. but not today, perhaps.

if you really happen to read this, well, don't tell me :)