everything in
it's right place

in my bid to save money (because after 1 year of army i've succeeded in saving all of $200 [including cny04 AND 05!]), i've resigned to not going out AT ALL. past recap of the week:

sun - ok fine went dota-ing with yg. but i left slightly early
mon - SAW live range
tues - stoned in camp while everyone booked out. watching pirates of caribbean though (KEIRRA KNIGHTLEY!!!!!111)
wed - went to collect my trackir then a bus home

so to justify (synonymous with 'while the time away') rotting at home while keeping what scraps of money i still have safe in the bank, i've turned to the virtual sport of computer games. more specifically, the flight simulators il-2 sturmovik and lock-on, modelled after world war 2 and gulfwar era planes respectively. i straight out refuse to play mindless retarded games (aka counter strike); army has already degreaded much of my intellectual capacity.

the ironic part is that the past few months i've spent quite a ton in computer equipment (repeat after me: nerdified).

What's the immaterial substance
that envelopes two,
that one percieves as hunger
and the other as food.
I wake in tangeled covers,
to a sash of snow,
you dream in a cartoon garden,
I could never know.
Innocent imitation, you are cast in gold,
your image a compensation for me to hold.

Parallel lines, move so fast,
toward the same point,
infinity is as near as it is far.

a little too abstract for my tastes...

added to flickr. decided to dig up some of nikki's old pictures. wow the bad hair days. i mean you can't even call those bad hair days. they were... the 'no hair' days.

after looking at those pics... you can't help but reminise about some of the past memories. which sucks in a way, because it'll be a long time before a better one comes by.

sigh

stayed home all day. from morning till night. wake up till zzzzz. i didn't drink didn't smoke didn't surf porn (ok not like i do anyway lah) in other words i've been a mama's wonderfully good boy. saved lots of money too (which is really the whole point).

slept, surfed the net, played Lock On - Modern Air Combat. died a few times (ok, only about 10-15 times) but managed to finish one mission today. including last night's one, that's two missions. haha and this game has like 100 missions so it's value for money. nerdified...

oh played guitar most of the morning. played some u2 songs... the old u2 with their rocking groove is really great; somehow they've kinda lost it after going pop and commercialised and faggoty gay. where the streets have no name sounds really nice... even when i'm playing it :) bridge pickup with semiquarter note delay at 120bpm and ac30 amp simulation. somehow it's quite weird to play triplets with straight time delay ringing in the background but who cares it sounds just like the song. haha i'm gonna play it in church tomorrow then i'll u2-ify all the church songs. yumyum :)

gonna upload the millions of pictures on my phone to my laptop now. but my laptop doesn't have internet access anymore due to the new modem screwing up, so i had to revert to singtel's old usb modem (which can't network two computers together. dumbass singtel, those cheap bastards).

heh might post it later

public holidays! ok, it's supposed to mean more than that. ping loong's worship session today sounded pretty good, especially since it was only guitars piano and percussions. but wayne's violin sounds more like cat scratching. haha no offence. the later songs sounded quite nice though.

initially thought i was supposed to play after service for easter practice, but turned out that it was only for the choir songs. and i am playing in some of the choir songs, but only minimal nonsense stuff. so elaine said i might as well just go home. she said something funny during wednesday's practice. i was sort of just doodling and crapping guitar parts during one of the songs (you know, where i just plug the delay all the way up and play crap) - she told me to play more. then i gave her a quizzical look and said 'but i'm only playing... nonsense'. she replied 'erm... yah then play more of your nonsense :)'

ok maybe it doesn't sound right written out, but it's just one of those moments you never forget. slightly amusing, if anything else :)

went to adam road hawker center to eat prawn mee. yumyum had the mega big prawns. and a plate of indian rojak (i actually wanted the normal kind but i reached the stall and they only sold indian ones so heck lah. i'm not THAT racist). and ice kachang but my mom ordered ice jelly for me instead (heh) so i ended up eating that. and finishing all the leftover ice kachang because women (mom and vangie - evangeline) just can't finish proper portions to save themselves.

fell asleep for 3 hours. really a waste of time, sleeping, that is. especially since bookouts noowadays are ESPECIALLY precious, considering how crappy army is getting again. proceded to play my silly flight simulator again (lock on - modern air combat), flying a-10 warthogs, busting tanks trucks and not to mention getting shot down. again and again and again. but it's ok, dying in such an immensely complex and difficult game isn't really that embaressing. i mean, i can finally land my aeroplane ! the sucess rate is increasing, almost 100% zero damage landings. ok nothing to be proud of, considering that a failed landing in real life means dying (ouch). ok enough computer talk it's getting too nerdy.

went jamming with the sonny gang later in the evening. what a total mess. somehow in church everything just clicks, everyone (almost) knows how to play and read music. maybe sometimes people play nonsense (like me) but at least it's in time! poor jon can't even play in time to save his life (this phrase is getting passe). and i forgot to bring back my v-amp and podxt too, left them in church for easter service. so had to rent some crappy effects from the jamming studio. sound sucked, levels were all over the place and nobody could find a song that everybody knew. and those that we knew, well we didn't know the lyrics. we've really learnt this lesson one too many times - our sonny gang really isn't cut out for jamming.

went to eat prata at al-azhaar or whatever later. gosh murtabak and a dinosaur. super unhealthy. later went to huang ming's house to play gran turismo 4. i brought it back home :) the graphics are really nice, and i managed to trash huang ming even though i haven't really played the game since sec 4! haha or maybe sec3 (you could blame it on nikki..? there her name goes again) but eventually he won both jon and i.

finally back home heh. left the gt4 disc on my bro's bed. hopefully he'll see it and go buy one for himself tomorrow. then we can play it everyday :)

2am. time for some lights out.



damn, i miss you

finally! at home :)

also fixed my computer; bill gate's and his internet explorer screwed up on me. at least firefox (by mozilla) works, and it's about a billion times better too.

going to church soon; my brother's not going after all. tied up with work. oh well. at least it's a break for me from that -shithole-.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and everything that is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it's whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of the tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder which keeps the starts apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

today was a pretty... weird day, again. church was so so. wasn't in a very good mood though. but dom kept saying the funniest of funniest things. normal people don't say the things he does. which makes him weirdly funny. but wasn't in a very good mood nevertheless. sigh.

ate lunch at ghim moh... the amount of variety there is so wonderful, anything you wanna eat, it's there. almost.

chatting with nikki on msn now. somehow i think she's forgotten everything about me, and vice versa too. which is really to be expected, considering the awkwardness. but today is nice, because we're arguing about food. my favourite pet subject. and she's actually talking a bit too much, which is a first.

sigh feeling quite sleepy. a sleepy sunday afternoon.

reza, my retarded 21 year old malay bunk mate used my phone and took a picture of his dick. right.....

and christine asked me to meet her at harbourfront saturday evening. so we could go to sentosa...!!! haha, that's like, pseudo-romantic lah. who ever goes to sentosa with another person of the opposite sex and says 'oh we were bored'. but it feels so false, so forced, so i'm really feeling quite uncomfortable about it. but just go lah because i'm dying to get out of the house and this is perhaps my only chance unless i want to roam the streets alone. which is so super stupid.

at home now, but have to wake up ridiculously early again tomorrow to go back to camp. for a dumbass meeting. because my company is having a proficiency test on monday/tuesday, so the oc is going all kiasu and wants to tell us exactly what to do. because his job is at stake; this crap thing will really malu-ate him if he screws it up. so the stupid prick has to call everyone back on a saturday for 1-2 hours just so he can tell us all this nonsense, when GEE THERE WAS SO MUCH TIME ON FRIDAY NIGHT. but army's like that, i'm totally used to it after almost a year and a half. luckily my dad's sending me to camp before he goes to work. so nice :)

ok i used a lot of strong words there. but this is a strong issue! pfft.

going for a university fair tomorrow to apply for uk universities. so i can try getting in to medicine over there. just wish i had gone to jc lah.


sigh

because i really can't stand being home with nothing to do so i decided to get an aeroplane flight simulator game to play on the computer. because these games really take a hell of a long to play (and considering how incredibly lousy i am at them) they eventually manage to take up a lot of time.

i just wasted 3 hours learning how to 'fly' an a-10 aeroplane. and i really only define flying as being able to take off and land the airplane. haha everything else in between i kinda left out for later. like shooting all the rockets guns navigating around and stuff. no idea about that yet.

stupid, why can't they make games simpler? like i press the trigger but it doesn't shoot anything instead you have to press a whole bunch of buttons! well perhaps the purpose of buying an incredibly chim game was to waste a whole lot of time but this is kinda ridiculous.

at least i can take off (it's really easy just turn on the engine and pull the joystick up once the speed is fast). but landing... yikes i think i broke about 10 landing gears and smashed an equal number of airplanes. and spent a couple of hours looking where the hell the stupid runway was.

all this, in a computer. geeee

dug this up in a pile of my old books. i really love this guy haha.

ok i think my computer skills just don't cut it.

managed to get the hard disk working - it was easy enough, unplug the wires from old computer, find the same wires on new computer, plug in, switch on and cross my fingers. actually worked! but stupid i realised that the computer wasn't my old old oldddddd computer with all the nice songs but all the current ones i already have. sigh. missing my no doubt songs. gwen stefani is the best.

then put everything back where it should belong and switched on computer again back into 'normal' mode (where everything was before i started fiddling). and i think not many people were wishing me luck cuz it screwed up BIG TIME. like all the stupid internet stuff was not working again and i have no idea about this local area networking trash so i just fiddled here and there click this that randomly restart blah blah switch on switch off and luckily after a while it worked. count that for pro, lah. hahaha

mom finally got my certified through copies of my deferral and admission letter for unimelb. half of me can't wait to go there; the other half just wants to stay here forever. for silly reasons actually.

why does the that crappy sad sad song always play when i talk about this kinda stuff. bleah itunes.

gonna raid my brother's computer (michael, this time) for music to copy into my ipod. he has a hard disk full of nonsense (it belongs to paul, this guy from church) like tons and tons of mtvs and mp3s as well as my brother's naughty stuff (everybody knows what that is!) which keeps expanding day by day. sigh he should get a girlfriend lah. or maybe he already got one. hmm.

the dumbass encik wanted us to do pullups today for lunch. luckily i can do a few. managed to do 16 pretty easily today (usually i'm struggling to get 16) but he only wanted 12 so heck lah i just stopped there. because mohan did 13 and he was like 'oh i only wanted 12 you know?' so do 16 lah just to annoy him. pullups are fun and easy i'm gonna practice till i can do 30 at one go. hmm k lah i'll give myself a long due date - before australia.

sigh australia. whatever la.

walked around science center. sian
walked around it fair. sian
walked around suntec. sian
walked around buona vista mrt. sian
wanted to watch movie but chris is busy. sian
reading books at home alone. sian but not as sian as the above so.. haha, not sian :)

gonna do something i never ever tried in my ENTIRE life before. take the hard disk outta my old computer and plug it in the new one to transfer my old mp3s.

wish me good luck i think i'll need truckloads of it.

went to sembawang air base in the morning today to try out some of the heli training stuff, like how to enplane and deplane. was pretty boring, save looking and so many choppers in one place.

slacked the rest of e day. slept through a lot of stuff, like the inspections (ah beng too ya, i'm not e only one!) and only got up for 'dinner'.

had a mini exercise session at night but it was so pathetic only 2.4k around e camp. but hey it's an improvement, ya?

breaking benjamin is a good band.

so is jack johnson. but he plays more mellow acoustic along the lines of ben harper and damien rice.

feeling a bit unproductive. back to zzzzzz

everything's just upside down. nothing's how i want it to be, in fact everything's how i want it not to be. people sometimes say that life throws a person difficult moments to test him, his character. but you don't seem to be anywhere. and you're leaving me so lost down here. nobody's perfect, and i'm only human. perhaps e only thing i'd want is to feel loved. but you're miles away.

c.

some people are really busy and don't want to be busy. some people are not busy at all and wish they were busy. some people are busy and like it that way, yet others are really not busy and all and just want to be like that forever. ok i don't really know why i said that but there are times when you just need something to keep you occupied. to distract you, bring you away from reality.

listening to crap music (yellowcard, simple plan, busted) to pass the time and keep my mind active ("yah this music really sucks"). church was pretty dull, spent most of the time stoning again. half our cell was literally gone, jeff in army, hl in hosp, sarah in school and eugene idunnowhere. bleah stupid dumbo he doesn't even reply to my msn messages anymore. mike cheong was playing his electric super loud for yth meeting (i thought it sounded terrible because he didn't use the pod effects but karl thinks its great) and poor wayne who was actually playing some nice stuff couldn't even be heard. haha poor guy.

i think there's really something wrong with me. everyone i talk to except the army people get irritated when i talk to them. yeah almost EVERYONE. and the army people are probably too bochap and thick skinned to actually get pissed. maybe i'm just being sensitive but it really seems that way. but i think chris is quite pissed and i got nikki semi pissed and jon's too lazy to talk to me and sarah is idunnowhatsigh.

so i've set a new resolution for this week. gonna start my bi/triathlon training scheme. which i actually started three weeks ago before i discovered the joys of sleeping and stoning. 1-3-5 gym-swimrun and 2-4 just gym. seriously need to save some money too.

and i feel so retarded for buying the pack yesterday when i didnt even smoke it. don't really feel like it anyway (even out of boredom nope) so i'll probably go back camp and give it to danial and farhan. ok actually i always think i do but when i finally light it up i don't so i just throw it away. so that means i don't. whatever lah.

sometimes i think about her (ok fine, a lot of times) and it just feels... crappy.

i like this :) a lot.

man kh actually reads my blog. and you know how i'd to pretend that no one to reads this crap. ok i'll just have to keep pretending.

just got home, got conned by sarah into going to acsb for some acs
alumni dinner of sorts

argh feeling quite sick now. because i did sth. so dumb sigh. and
christine ng (chrissy poo chris) was there! she's so funny btw
everytime i see her she goes off apologising so profusely it's
hilarious. because i don't know what on earth she's sorry for.

scanned my new watch because i had nothing to do. i like it. my pocket
now has a hole in the shape of $158 dollar bills, though.

and another of those screwed up days ):

If you can’t wake up in the morning
Cause your bed lies vacant at night
If you’re lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can’t control it, try as you might
May you find that love that won’t leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You won’t be lost, hurt, tired and lonely
Something beautiful will come your way

that's really old. going to lei garden for lunch later, then probably to sgh to visit hian liang who unfortunately succumbed to heat exhaustion during his training. reminds me of my platoon medic who also had heat exhaustion (because i was telling him to run faster! but i really admire his determination). might be calling dom and whoever's available to come. or i might just go myself (because it is nice to be alone sometimes)

ArGH

I MISSED BLONDIE'S CONCERT


hmm


ARGHHHHHH

had a pretty long but relaxed day. started off with a really dull parade; sort of half slept through that, standing up tho. which continued to a game challenge thing which was soooo crap because some people couldn't swim and quite a fair part of it involved swimming. lunch was quite unique and tasty tho. perhaps it's just my seriously skewed perception of anything to do with army.

didn't go out in the evening, was spent reading curtis' great political theories, about socialist idealism, romanticism (lol far from anything romantic), revolutionist liberals and capitalist. and i'm really too tired to explain how overly ridiculous it all is.

went to chris' house last night for 'soup' after dinner at westmall and (budget) ice creams sundaes at mackers. gosh her bro is so irritating, cute in a way but just the kind you'd wanna kill after ten secs. he actually thought i was chrissy poo from sg idol! lol. and i've come to realise that inside she hasn't really changed that much. which is ok, because i've really missed her. she's prob like the first girl i knew well (if you don't count debbie, maybe).

but time's moved on

and if i see your reflection in the snow covered hills, may a landslide bring you down. time makes you bolder, even children grow older. and i'm getting older too.