everything in
it's right place

man, i think i'm hooked on jay again. i've been listening to him like nonstop since last night. arghhhhhhh :)

it's such an early time in the morning, an already the sky's looking so gloomy. and i was going to run my epic 2340975 km route!

i just woke up and now i'm practicing the songs (acoustic style) for the worship later. until now i don't know if i'm playing acoustic or lead electric, so i'm just practicing like crazy and hoping for the best. yesterday's worship was such a disaster! i feel really bad for paul, who was there at 5pm because that was exactly when the practice was supposed to start. and i thought i was really late so rushed down in a cab and got there at 5.20pm, and no one was in there yet! finally the practice started at 6pm, and dominic was saying how sarah was going to come late. well it's so funny in the end she wasn't late at all, because she arrived just in time as our practice started (which was 6pm!)

and my mom was nagging away the other day about how we should just book a jam studio for $10/hr instead of the CPA for $200/hr. so now i'm practicing like mad. however i was so blur yesterday! i guess it's because i haven't played in a band environment for a really long time so i wasn't really sure, and all i play is that jazz flub. so i REALLY forgot how to play this solo-ing stuff bleah it's so lousy.

and so it's getting really late now (11am, for a run that is) so i'm debating whether to meet emily who took back her ex after dumping him (how dumb). bah

man i can feel my heartbeat in my shoulder. is that good or bad?

anyway today's event was this thing called 'wayne's bbq' and it was pretty screwed up. ok maybe it was partly my fault because i didn't really join in but i think it was a pretty screwed up day. first sarah met me two hours late and she didnt even say sorry lah! wah lao you can never imagine how pissed i was... ok i'll just say it, it was the most pissed i ever got this week even more than my mom screwing about moving rooms or shitty feelings about passe people and people who don't answer phone calls. it was soooooo annoying but somehow i sort of let it off but it's still twitching at the back of my mind! and for the most stupid reason - the rain. it wasn't really as bad as say 'tsunami conditions' so just take an umbrella lah! ok i'm going a bit mad sigh just because of two hours.

ok the next annoying part which wasn't really annoying but a bit is that the taxi fare going home! oh man i forgot about the midnight charge so in the end the taxi fare became $16 haha but sigh it's ok i still love you guys -gives 'that' face- and i don't value money that much compared to many other things so it doesn't really affect me that much. yah but the taxi driver drove this screwed up route which costs me like $5 more and i had no idea how to correct him! so right, it's my fault too

then to top it off, i wanted to call D to tell her how weird today is but D didn't answer 4 of my calls -bleah-


sigh dunno why my mood's so bad these few days. sigh.

be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. and do not be anxious abt anything but in everything prayer and petition present your requests to god. and god will guard you hearts and your minds in christ jesus.

james1:19 phil4:6

this is a really good verse. it's the verse by which my ex cell group leader became a christian. and really, it applies to so so much.

naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked i shall depart
the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away
may the name of the Lord be praised

job 1:21

I hate it how once good friends can actually become barely aquaintances. It all seems so fake, when once we all seem almost as if best of friends but a couple of months down the road, we barely know each other. Friends who don't even bother to call or even a message, unless you initiate it first; these kind of people don't really deserve friendship but sometimes you know it feels so painful just to let them go. It's the feeling of insecurity, the lack of feeling wanted or loved. Ya maybe you can say i'm insecure but how can you feel at home or at peace if who you think are your closest buddies sometimes don't even care.

That's really just rambling but there's this certain person who just ticks it off inside of me everytime and it's really getting on my nerves. My neighbour wants told me (yah haha really) that you shouldn't give your love out to people who don't love you, that you're really worth more than that and it's perhaps the truest words you could ever apply to any sort of relationship, no matter how close.


Anyway I had church this morning which was pretty cool because the Christmas service was special, but Jeff was taking all sorts of nonsense photos and we weren't really listening, more like just taking nonsense photos. After service dom wayne debs jeff and val went to tiong bahru plaza to watch oceans 12 which seemed like a Really Messy Movie and didn't really click that well. I thought Kung Fu Hustle was much better :) but valerie hates it apparently. I was pretty stoned today though, not in the mood perhaps despite the company so after that I decided to head home (my uncle was having a gathering but all they do is gamble so i decided against it).

So that's a Christmas for ya, merry or not. I don't know why but i'm always feeling upside down like this; when everyone's happy I'm feeling down and when everyone's down I'm usually hanging on good... probably just the stubborn flu that i'm having. It's just not christmas if you don't feel loved.